Thoughts in process

Painting

2012-02-24T08:19:00.000-08:00

Last night I was playing around with my face paints and the notion of what constitutes a painting or a good self-portrait. I see most of my work as paintings even if the outcome is an installation or possibly a soundscape. In this case the paintings are constructed from miniature performances to camera. Here are four self-portraits of many more that I have yet to edit.

Some old sketches I found

2012-02-16T11:57:00.000-08:00

Rounding up the usual suspects or subjects and Katajanokka in winter

2012-01-29T13:22:00.000-08:00

Helsinki Ice Swimmer

Theshort version to sum-up since the last post: stress, stress, stress,sing, drink, laugh, de-stress, sleep, read and application,application, application, stress, stress, stress.

The longversion to sum-up since the last post: Ok so another couple weeks ofbusyness are behind me and as much as I wish all the busyness was aresult of making art, that just would not be the truth. We had theone year celebration of the existence of HESA inprint magazine, whichcame and went in good order and happy frame of mind and well a lot ofresidual stress of organising an event. The same happy event collidedwith Tristan’s first gig and I must say we did pretty good. Paidwork is also picking up speed with many more events for me toorchestrate I am quite tired but at least I have enough money to buymaterials for the art I plan to make next week.

Ice

Next week I’ll be bringing out my trusty old watercolours to start sketching some ideas I’ve been having for the “big” project. Mainly I was planing to, sketch how I’d like the space to look and feel, but who knows what will happen. I've also been playing around with some texts for the work that I have been asked to do for the up-coming exhibitions.

So until then here are some pictures from a wintry Helsinki.

Taking on the new year

2012-01-07T06:20:00.000-08:00

Last takeout, 2011

It has beena while since my last blog entry. With the holidays, magazines toedit, music to make, meetings to attend, work and research not tomention another batch of proposal writing, its been a hecticsometimes manic 3-4 weeks. I have also been cigarette and alcoholfree since the Jan 1st 2012 and while the alcohol is no issue, thecigarette cravings are ravaging my senses and making me utterlyimpossible with emotional control. So, a lot more drama then I'm usedto in the past week. Its almost like turning back in to a teenager.Uncontrollable urges, rage, confusion and well anything you can thinkof including total body image craziness and fear that I am in short,a talentless loser. Insane how a little puff of smoke has been ashield in a way. I know it is stupid, but hey that’s what it feelslike at the moment.

I havehowever managed to get a lot of work done, the need to be busyconstantly to forget about smoking is definitely like an upper. Eevi and I met up before her trip to Argentina to make some finaldecisions about the community project we will be doing in the summerin Eno. This means a lot of ground work which needs to get done inthe next two months. I will be primarily in charge of getting thepeople together, sorting out timetables with everyone and doing thepreliminary proposal to finance the project which Eevi will thenedit, do some mock-ups of what the works might look like and wellhopefully, Bobs your uncle and we get funding.

Afterour meeting where I discussed meeting my mothers uncle, Antti. He is80 and grew up in Lumivaara on Lake Ladoga (Laatokka) in the republic of Karelia. I began envisioning how the documentarywill flow, it is very exciting to get some coherent storyline in tomy head and on paper something which has the bones to build meat on.Antti (my great uncle) has a vast amount of photographs from thelittle island on Ladoga from before the evacuation in to mainlandFinland during the war and more stories. It is nice to meet a part ofmy family which seems to be as interested in storytelling as I am.Antti and his wife Mailis have invited me to their house in Turku fora weekend to look through the photographs, to interview them freely,to ask anything I want and to get to know my somewhat estrangedrelatives (my grandmother died before I was born and we didn't seemuch of Antti and his family).

I amhaving some difficulty in finding video camera equipment good qualityenough to rent at a reasonable price and am starting to think that itwill in fact be easier, cheaper and also practical for me to buy anHD camera which I can then use for other projects as well. Soundequipment I have found but I do feel I need to find a better qualitymicrophone still. I should be able to rent this through MUU ry.

I sangmy second lament in the sauna on Christmas day. It was about the pastyear and everything that has happened. It felt invigorating,empowering and like the wood that surrounded me hugged and somehowmelded with me, forgave me. My next meeting with the members ofÄänellä Itkijät ry is on January 22^nd. I hope to beable to better commune with individual members and also to suggest anidea I’ve been brewing for a few weeks now on how to approach therecording process. It would be a way to surround-sound the voices andpotentially harmonise the laments be they of the same thing ordifferent.

Morning Stroll

2011-12-13T15:39:00.000-08:00

Its been a long hard couple of weeks. It has been incredibly busy but the main thing that seems to be keeping me down at the moment is this damned weather,lack of sunshine or any light. I'm trying to pump myself full of vitamins to take the edge off and they have helped. Still I often find myself wishing I could hibernate, read a book without thinking about when my next deadline is and when on earth do I have to do this this and this.

On this note I took some time to actually wake up early, 8am I know for most is not that early but for me lately it has been the equivalent of 5am. So I woke up in the total darkness with a full moon still in the sky. I had to force myself to keep my eyes open and to not go back to my oh so inviting bed and curl up for the day. When my eyes adjusted to the dark ( I couldn't turn the light on) I noticed a slight sliver of light on the sea horizon and decided that it was about time I go and greet the sun as it rises.

So off I went down to the marina and watched on one side the city still under the moonlit sky and on the other a new day dawning. The colours were so deep and lustrous that I couldn't help but be inspired. So these are some photographs from my morning stroll. Not sure I can manage one everyday, but I will certainly make sure I do every now and then.

Truths that hit "the bosom" (synonym for home)

2011-11-27T05:18:00.001-08:00

So,as Isit in this cold gallery pondering how to translate yet anotherartist statement, Istarted thinking about how and why it is that we decide to expressart through words? Also why not just words, but fancy words that usea lexicon unfamiliar to the greater populace? Why is it that artistsfeel a certain need to use big words that they obviously have chosenthrough an on-line thesaurus or dictionary?

Example: Thefeline aspects in the human psyche,have adapted over the years to form a world where: I follow theintrinsic nuance of captivating transmogrified communication, to forman image Irelate to.

Translation= I paint my cat and Ido it often; I like cats, but they scare me.

Thisis not to say Iam innocent. I too have a tendency to overwrite and explain my work,in particular my artist statement. In fact, Iam re-writing it at the moment and having a hard time remembering,whatit was I was thinking about the last time I made a go of it. I think art in general tends to be taken too seriously andoverworked in words, to the point where no one, but the artist andpossibly the critic who wrote about the work, can comprehend themagnitude of the ideas behind the aforementioned cat painting. I alsohave a slight pet hate with the word utilize, why can't people justsay use? Truly, utilize will not make you sound smarter, it will onlymake you sound like a snobbytwat.

However,Idigress, yes Ido. I went to get a coffee and looked for an artist’shome phone number, so that a critic could call them to discuss theirwork, before making up their own opinion on the work he has only justviewed.

Sowords, meanings and the forever dreaded artist statement. It is agiven, that if you ever wish to apply for an exhibition or an artsopportunity you must write about you and your work. The odd thing is,that the chances of actually getting the opportunity you have justappliedfor, grows exponentially depending on how many snobbyart words you have used, not utilized. This, Ihave a problem with mainly because it excludes artists who do notwish to make their work sound like a freak show. Instead of a beardedlady, one finds a beard that not only proves the existenceof god, but implies a postmodernist view on evolution. Perhaps theartist said that Icut off my beard the same way Ipeel an apple, maybe that should have been good enough and thereader, viewer, arts application reader, could make up their own mindby using some of their own creative vision to fill in the blanks.

Somaybe this is the point Ihave been trying to get to. My issue is not with words, I love words.My issue is with the whoring of words to explain why yourmetaphorical legs were open for business when you decided to create anew piece of work. Why can't we act aswe do with sex, that creating art is a natural process - something toenjoy and something best left unexplained to strangers with fancywords.

Thenagain what do I know, my artist statements has had the words,interdisciplinary, controlled spontaneity and meditative process init for years.

LAMENTS

2011-11-18T08:22:00.001-08:00

Its been a busy month for me. I've beenploughing through the research with my primary focus on traditionalFinnish laments (itkut, itkuvirsi) or crying songs. I went to a lecture on the healingpower of laments and was truly touched by the honesty and feeling inthe songs. In fact when I got home I wrote my own lament to mygrandfather who passed in 2007 and was a big influence in my life.You can view the video of it and though it is in Finnish I think thefeeling comes across in the voice.

I've also been lucky enough to have theuse of my band mates recording device. It has brilliant sound qualityfor a small carry recorder and I am hopeful that it might be goodenough quality for me to make my actual sound work recordings withit. I recorded the whole lecture on it and though I’ll probablynever publish it, the sound itself has been invaluable for myresearch and notes.

Last week I went for my first visit tothe Finnish Folklore Archives, where they house a collection oflaments from the mid 1800's to present day. They come in these bigboxes with small cards written on a typewriter for each lament. Ispent 3,5 hours going through one box and I will hopefully get achance to put in another 3 hours next week to go through another.There are 5 massive boxes and there is a lot of info. My favouritepart was reading the writers notes and observations on theseincredible women who sang for them. Many of them sang in old Karelianwhich, to my delight I could understand quite well and often onlysang a song once which made the recording of this oral traditionquite a debacle in the time before recorders.

This weekend I have been invited to theÄänellä Itkijät ry (official lament singers in Finland) meetingat the home of PirkkoFihlman. It is the first time I am officially meeting these singersand I have been allowed to do some sound recording and I hope to alsotake some pictures. Video I will have to leave to a later date as Ican't get my hands on a good enough video camera and also consideringthe nature of Laments I don't want to freak anyone out. I think itwill be a good thing to just get to know everyone and build trust.

Pandering or just Pondering

2011-10-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

Ok so here is the good news! I have managed to get the brilliant Paula Havaste to agree to be interviewed for my project:) Yay! She is an author who writes books about Finnish peoples around the time the church was making its way in to Finland. They are full of incantations, magic and folklore. I am so excited to have her on board and her expertise will lend the documentary some fantastic material and insight. The interview will not take place till early next year and I am glad to have some time to properly form my questions and perhaps get a better idea of who the documentary part of this project will pan out.

Also had a meeting with Eva-Liisa Orupold with whom I’m doing a project next June in Northern karelia with locals. We discussed strategy and possible outcomes and what we truly want to achieve through the project and how much time it will take to complete. Ideas were tossed about and if nought else we have a good groundwork set up for how to continue from here. We have given ourselves till the end of the year to sort out the project.

Next week I will be attending a seminar on Crying hymns and their healing power. I have managed to get a friend of mine to lend me his brilliant camera for the night in order to shoot some preliminary footage. I do however still need to locate a mic and good recording device before then. This will not be an actual interview or sound recording session but more research. Still I feel its important to get things with as good quality as possible. I also approached MUU ry about their equipment hire and as they are going through some changes at the moment and waiting back on funding applications their equipment store is limited. In other words I may have to find another way to get my recording done.

As for funding I will be sending off another four in the following month two of which must be handed in by by Monday. Hectic days, hectic times. Thank godness for lists.

It's all starting to make sense

2011-10-14T06:29:00.000-07:00

The trip to Northern Karelia was amazing; beautiful landscapes, naked trees that glow with early autumn light, storms that turn all the electricity off and leave only the bumming of the wind and flicker of candle light as company. I had time to continue my exploration of old traditions this time through a book about respecting the forest and how still people who come from the other side of the border give thanks through gifts and sacrifice. The knowledge of people who still cultivate their livelihood through natures gifts and see the abuse of lands for pure profit like the making of paper a crime against the old gods.

Music became a way to view the landscape and I began harnessing my own talents as a singer to interpret the autumn. Lyrics and sounds that tell of twirling leaves and of the forest leaning on mountains. The exciting thing is that today I got a call from Pirkko who runs Äänellä Itkijät ry. She invited me to her house next month to get acquainted with other singers of old Karelian crying songs and to one of her lecture on the healing aspects of crying songs. Its all very exciting and as they have given me the opportunity to film and record their work I must make the best of this opportunity. I have about a month to sort out the equipment. I will try to get some of it rented from MUU ry but if I cant I might be able to borrow one from a friend. It's all starting to come together.

This month is going fast, I can't believe how little time there is left. It is getting very busy and I am seriously pondering how I can handle it all. I might have to reconsider my commitment to the band and work on my own priorities for the next few weeks. After October things should settle down with most of the big applications done and sent off awaiting approval. Must believe I will get the grant. I must get the grant!

Bears on my mind

2011-10-06T13:15:00.000-07:00

Bears view of me on the dock

Another day, another euro spent. the weather is turning in to a constant drizzle and i find it affects my work. Also the HESA inprint deadline is up and i am trying to curate the newest issue Creation Stories - Luomiskertomuksia. Not as easy as you would think, but i do try my hardest to make it as good as i can. To be honest i should not complain, i really do love doing it, though my procrastination and tumultuous twitter updating would make you think otherwise.

The BIG PROJECT - Kyllä Tunnen Syntymäsi is rolling along nicely with some definates for involvement rolling in. Tomorrow i'm off to Northern Karelia to see the change in seasons and do some preliminary shots of places and visual reaserch for the documentary. Money is tight, but it always is. Luckily, my brilliant boyfriend Thierry is very capable and can make brilliant food with very little money. Thank goodness for the French.

I am currently reading a book called Näkökulmia Karjalaiseen Perinteeseen (Views of Karelian culture) by Pekka Hakamies. Brilliant stuff and surprisingly exciting for a theory book. My plan is to visit a few of the places he mentions (small villages and towns) that have in the past had a large flow of "Russian" Karelians during the war. My mothers side of the family came from some of the islands on Laatokka so it will be intriguing to see how these place differ from the towns that my fathers side of the family came from, near Eno where i've spent more time.

I've started to make some small storyboards for the documentary about its contenuity. I feel reluctant to make it final until i have done more research and seen, interviewed, heard etc more. There has to be some room for pure inspiration in the moment, who knows what kind of wonderful things i can discover.

One thing i am keenly trying to find out is if there is a chance of filming a traditional karhun peijäiset - ritual burial of the bear. I have found some sies that refer to the practice still being done in some parts of the country during hunting season. Last year i actually saw a bear cub in the wild, a scar time but truly awe inspiring, i never actually saw the mama bear, but i heard her. I was so busy sitting still and pondering my best survival strategy that i only realised after how incredibly lucky i was to have seen one of these amazing creatures in the wild.

In other news i am anxiously awaiting news on if i am getting the funding i applied for from the arts council of Finland. Next week i will be sending out other applications to places like the karjalaisen kulttuurin edistämissäätiö - The organisation for Karelian Kulture.

re-cap now and then

2011-09-27T01:35:00.000-07:00

It has certainly been a long time and I feel like I should round up information on the Road to Nowhere residency. After meeting with Tuija at Louhitalo, I helped Nicola by photographing and videoing her performance Follow the Bear.

By the end it got so busy especially on our arrival back to Helsinki that my inner blogger got a bit squashed. Nicolas performance as Miss Evente went well as did the rest of the Night of the Arts, though personally I feel that there was less of a crowd compared to previous years.

There has also been much conversation and critique on why it is being hosted on a friday. Apparently when it was on a thursday evening people came out and the crowd was more electrified and interested in the happennings. An exciting thing did happen on the night though and which has since come in to being. The band that played in Jangva Gallery - Tristan – was in need of a singer which I have now become. It is fantastic to be singing regularly again and giving my brain and vocal chords a needed push.

The Kyllä Tunnen Syntymäsi (Yes, I know your birth) project is going well and in the next couple of days I will be handing in my first set of grant applications. They were a lot harder to finish possibly because I was writing in Finnish but I am happy to report that there are only a couple more sentences and a proper seperate detailed copy of the budget to be done and printing the pages and well then its all good. So basically am confident it will get done.

Busy busy, climb and chair stuffing

2011-08-22T07:36:00.000-07:00

Where does the time go, I ask you! Where?

Well we have hiked at Koli, a wonderful place where the witches of old lived. Did a bit of notes and research on the old religion. Read a few incantations to do with bear killing and watched as the clouds pushed on top of each other making a brilliant almost webbing across the skyline. The images don't do it justice but I could definitely feel the electric friction and power.

Have also done a bit of video. The one displayed just titled Bee is a small, pix-elated version done on the digicamera, but I think the actual dvcam version will look nice. I feel like it might need some composed music to finish the work but I am happy with the vid. Kinda looks like the bee is flying and dancing where in reality it is drowning. Kinda felt bad after for not saving it...ethics, it does come in to play every now and then. Actually Nikki and I had an interesting conversation about ethics in art yesterday...Tricky tricky!

The chair project is also progressing, it has now been stuffed and the Hessian layer to give it a bit more shape control and strength has been finished. Not sure if will have time to upholster it properly but will try. Also still on the agenda are video of the staring contest, a collaborative piece of music video dance and stuff also the emptying out of the out house pee bucket. OH JOY!

Tomorrow morning am going to make myself get up early (before 10am) and just write the damn proposal. At least a good draft of it. I can feel myself getting a bit of stage fright. Also tomorrow I'll be meeting up with a local artist and art museum owner lady called Tuija Hirvonen-Puhakka to discuss art and things so that’s exciting. Much to so still so off I go....

Tu Päälle - Come over me

2011-08-18T05:26:00.000-07:00

Today my thoughts have been turning to a possible performance to camera. It uses a lot of mirrors to indirectly video myself having a staring contest with a mirror but indirectly with the camera as well.

I also found a sign that I liked. It reminded me of an old project Tengo las ampollas muy grandes,2006-2008, which I made after walking the Santiago de Compostela. It got me thinking of words and light and thoughts, memories and experiences how they are individualistic and biased. Today it rained: Today is dim.

Almost a week now since we arrived and I have no idea where the time goes. I keep forgetting the day and as long as we manage to get back to Helsinki by the 24th I'm not too bothered. In fact I can feel my body slowly relaxing, unwinding and getting prepared to make some new work.

I am hoping to get a pet project finished while here. It's an old chair from the 40's which my grandfather had in his student flat. It has now been stripped; it was filled with hay and wood shavings, I am amazed it hadn't caught fire in the last 60 odd years. I unscrewed all the legs, or really sawed off the metal bits as they had rusted after so many years of non use. The legs have now been sanded down and re-moistened with some olive oil and hopefully will be ready to attach once the chair has been stuffed and reupholstered. On the same topic I’ve decided to have a go at embroidery. Not my strong suit but I've decided that as long as I enjoy it, it will have been a success.

A few days ago we went to a random art exhibit at Louhitalo called ART TODAY – TÄMÄN PÄIVÄN TAIDE 2011. I was pleasantly surprised to see the quality. Although they did not have the best possible equipment to showcase the work
the actual space and the exhibition was well balanced and thoroughly enjoyable. There were quite a few performance to camera pieces of interest my personal favourites being Karolina Kucia's performance and animation Mesmeralda Marianotavirgin and Hyun Joo Min's Korea -Suomi, Korea – Finland (Olen Suomalainen). There was also a wooden sculpture called Boy (please touch) by Jason Burton, which I must admit to enjoying the touch of.

Next I will strat to properly attack my proposal for a grant as it must get done before next Wednesday.

the truly important!

2011-08-14T14:28:00.000-07:00

On 13.08.11 at 3.29 my sister gave birth to the first brand new baby in our family her first born beautiful daughter with lots of dark hair and blue eyes. I feel so happy so much love. so much so much!

I wrote this the night she was born. It is a spell or incantation to help her and welcome her.

Tule Otson tytär
tule kultaisen kuun
kahdeksannen kierron
kolmannentoista yön
tule rakkahin
tähän valoisaan
vanhempiesi hoivaan
lauhkeaan aamuun
tule tähtisen taivaan alla
otavan taittuessa lännestä itään
tule rakkahin lapsi
tule omiesi lomaan
muista kantaneesi syke
anna sen vaivuttaa sinut lepoon
anna sen nostaa sinut rinnalle
ja maistella maitoo
ota isäsi sormi pieneen
nyrkkis oteen
ota rauhaisa maa
tunne mystisen kuun voima
tule luoksemme Otseon tytär
tule rakkaittesi luo.

In to the wild: Baby, mushroom, lake, forest, life!

2011-08-14T14:03:00.000-07:00

Two days in. Forest, sauna and just the body relaxing and getting recharged. We've done some mushroom picking (some proved poisonous after rigorous checking in books) and redcurrants have come off the bush and been put in to some pies:) yum yum.

Saw this random Eau de cologne machine in a public toilet near a fleamarket and thought it looked interesting and also had a bit of a danger as an element mainly as the spray was at eye level. Thoughts, colours, danger and beauty. Intoxicating.

We have also been playing the game Life.. brilliant fun and there really are no losers.

Clearing the skies and the slate

2011-08-10T07:08:00.000-07:00

Well the decision has been taken away from me. For good or bad, I cant say. The group show has fallen through. I'm oddly not disappointed, which probably means I wasn't that happy with the work to be in it in the first place. It seems that this stuff happens every now and then and I have decided to not ponder it through too much and just continue with new projects.
Nicola (Miss Evénte) arrives tomorrow. I'm so excited to get to see her again and to make some exciting new work! Tonight I’m going to an opening at the gallery I work and hopefully making a few new contacts. You never know who might show up!
To do list today still includes writing a newsletter to accompany the HESA inprint magazines newest edition due to be online latest tomorrow. Very exciting stuff, very cool work to view.
As for project 'Yes I know your Birth', research is getting super interesting. I'm learning new spells to cast and understanding more and more about the meditative process that goes in to one. I think I’ll have a go at writing a few myself.

Lightning, Rain and Rendering a video

2011-08-09T15:28:00.001-07:00

Ok , so here I go. It might as well be now, its half past one at night. The beginning is always the hardest. It is like writing that first page in an expensive notebook: Intimidating!

It's odd getting back in to writing, of keeping even a semblance of a coherent thread running through my creative life. I suppose that is the reason for this progress blog. A reason to reason things out. (as if on cue lightning just lit the skies)

Background may be needed but I wont go back too far. In fact I wont go back at all. this is where I’m at now. I work in a gallery, I run and edit a magazine http://www.hesainprint.com with my partner Thierry and friend Kaisa. I am going on a residency (self-made) in eastern Finland this Friday with my friend Nicola and we shall soak up nature and make some work together. Eat, drink, sauna and art!

I'm pondering giving up smoking, I'm becoming a godmother and at some point in between I am trying to get some funding sorted out for the mag, for myself and another HUSH HUSH project. I've also got a solo exhibition coming up in 2012 which requires a mass amount of research and some special technical skills I have yet to learn and another group exhibition in about a month, which is why I’m still burning the midnight oil.

All in all very busy, slightly sporadically insane and hopeful that one day there will be time to sleep and just read a book. Something easy, something simple with a good mystery or two.

Tomorrow I will decide if I can make my installation for the group exhibition, if I can then I shall be building an altar. if not then I’ll just cross my fingers and hope the vid will be enough.

DVD has burnt now, so its time to get back to the work.

Kyllä tunnen syntymäsi

2011-07-27T05:54:00.000-07:00