photos

lost

I feel lost. There are too many streams of thought to follow and too many questions unanswered, I just can't seem to grasp on to anything. There is too much sound, too many emails I should answer, too many people I should talk to, visit or introduce myself to. I am hungry. 

I've been drawing and painting a bit with watercolours, i've hung a few plastic balls on the wall and a lemon-squeezer. I like the colour, which at the same time makes me nauseated. Ugly thoughts fly through my brain and it's a bit like I am being squeezed. My work is lacking in nature of a life force and a bloodline. This is the dip, the dip I always fear, the one I am petrified of. I know rationally that it will pass and something new is bound to happen; an epiphany will emerge and that I will be lost again, but in a completely different way.

I miss me.

I've been contemplating shapes and medicinal plants, colour combinations and maps. Sound in my art is dead today. Its a high pitched emptiness that makes your ears ping and close. I come to my studio and watch the walls. I hang different things up that I think seem interesting only to take them down and place them elsewhere. I want to visit a hardware store to buy materials I can't afford. To sell my ideas and float down an easy stream of corporate reality. I am bored with my own rants and skeptical of people who support me. I wish I could do anything else, but I cant and I wont and deep down I would not wish to.

The skin on my left palm is peeling but the right is as it ever was. This duality this split in my persona my physical being confuses me. For the first time in a long time I don't feel like reading. I'm sleeping 12 hours a night and wake up weary. I am not ill and I am not in any way physically affected, other then my left palm losing excess skin. Perhaps the skin is jumping ship, bored by me and things I am trying to create.  There are a lot of decisions that need to be made. I need less sleep. 

songs and sounds

It is still hot here is Helsinki and life seems busy and blissful. A few weeks ago I finished my sound work for Performing Paper #7. It is Called Kuilu / Void and is 20 minutes in length. 

Overall I am happy with the result, although there are a few things I would have changed if I would have had the time. I have got quite a bit of positive feedback so that is always lovely. The Tristanuevo album What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Weaker was also played and wen't down well from what I understand. We also made a small series of singles to be sold at the event. I have not found out if any were sold but hopefully :D

Tristanuevo also has a gig coming up in a 1,5 weeks, and I am nervous. In a good way. I want to find a crazy (slightly) ugly sequinned dress to wear, that way if I don’t sing well i'll still sparkle ***

Other wise I am working on the Cypher Documents art work.  

Cold Coffee and Warm Bananas

My first week in my very own studio is almost up. I am in love with this space: physical, mental and metaphysical. For the first time in years I have a place where I can keep my “crazy” :) So far there is only a desk two chairs and a lot of stuff that needs shelves and filing cabinet but I am happy because I can finally see what I am doing. I had not even realised how stifled I'd felt working from home. Now I come to work and go home to rest. Happy.

It is 30C outside for the third day running and I am sweating, drinking cold coffee (I haven't got a kettle yet) and eating warm bananas to keep myself from keeling over in hunger. Eating warm bananas in this kind of heat really does make you feel like a monkey. A happy monkey !

I am working on my sound piece for Performing Paper that will be taking place from June 22^nd to August 3^rd. The preview is on thursday june 20^th 6-8pm.

The sound work is coming along well and will be finished, packaged and posted to Manchester on Monday. The work is quite different from previous ones I've made and as a result is taking longer then I anticipated. There is a lot to learn and so far I feel proud of what I've managed to do. There is a clear shift from atmospherical sound stories to a more lyrical and complex form of sound, sound that also incorporates a lot more music than before. I am using an African thumb piano called a Kalimba in Alto, a Kantele which is a type of traditional Finnish harp as well as the guitar and piano. I am still using sounds from the forest and city that I combine together with melodies i've created and song.

There I much to do still so I will get back to it...

sound and studio

So time goes by and summer is here. They say that you have live half your life by the time you are 18 because the life lived after feels like it slips away faster. I truly feel like this at times and I don't believe it is a bad thing. I never did get in to the masters program at the Finnish Academy of Arts and though it stung when I found out it has not kept me down for long.

I have thought long and hard about what it is that I wanted from that particular course and the answer was surprisingly simple. I wanted a studio and I wanted to meet like minded individuals artist that I could talk to. I have now made a step to get myself a studio, on monday I am going to go and view a few spaces and hopefully find one that suits me and my wallet. I feel happy about this little step it feels like it will lead me in the right direction.

I am currently working on a sound piece that will be part of Performing Paper in Manchester in June. I am working with sounds from conflicting environments, that I am making in to a kind of sound symphony. I also working on another Manchester project called LotNo an auction of live art and performance.

The band decided to change our name from Tristan to Tristanuevo to commemorate a new stage in its history and new music. The new album will be printed soon and will be on sale there after. We also have a website www.tristanuevo.com.

Summer is coming and I feel hopeful.

Nervously awaiting news and some new pictures

Here are some images I've been taking in the past few weeks whilst in Mauritius. The images almost took themselves, so beautiful were the surroundings. In the next few weeks I will be posting photographs that have been taken on this trip sometimes several times as I edit them. If I use photoshop for anything but cropping i will show the original as well. Hopefully this will keep my mind busy the next few weeks as i nervously await news from the Academy of Fine Arts in Finland.

Flight Risk

Innocence

I've been thinking about innocence. When do we lose it? Do we lose it? Is it like our cells and renews or is it like virginity something that once lost is gone forever?

I have this painting hanging in my kitchen and i have looked at it for over ten years. It used to hang in my parents house and somewhere along the line it became mine. It is almost cubist and depicts women, lots of women or possibly just the many facades of a single lady. I haven't looked at it properly for a long time, but today it struck me possibly more then originally. For me the painting used to be about the color and movement, but today it has eyes, today it has a knowledge. Today it is making me think.

New Year and new shenanigans

My Karelia project is now finished, at least for the current moment. I think I will let the dust settle for the next few month and then come back to all the material i have gathered, made and found in the past few years of this project. Perhaps i will compile it all and make it in to a book that comes with a dvd. In any case that decision can sleep until the summer is here and I have some perspective.

The decision to put HESA inprint on hold was also made in the new year. We will not be publishing any new work or magazines until June at the very earliest. It has been a hard choice to make but one all three of us agreed was necessary. This in turn has given me some much needed rest and free time to let my creativity mend. I felt by the end of 2012, that I was pushing myself so hard that I could not see the wood for the trees so to speak. I thought I could take a quick break but that is not me and after an agonizing week of boredom i have started up some new projects.

I have decided to try writing my first novel and so far it is going quite well. I am enjoying getting back to writing and researching all sorts of random things from poisons to the circus in the 1800's. I have given myself a target of writing one chapter a week, which seems to suit me. I hope to have a version ready by the end June. Who knows if anyone will ever read it, but I will know I can do it.

The new album by Tristan my band is almost ready. The cover has been shot, the music is ready to go to mastering and we are excited by the process and outcome. You can listen to the music here. 

I have applied to a few little art things but feel like i need to give myself some time to just make new work for now and concentrate on getting exhibitions etc after that.